My Ectopic Pregnancy

Monday, November 9th, marked the first day of a big event for me and my family.  On this day, I started bleeding.  While it was very light it was a little concerning.  I thought it to be stress, or ovulation (sometimes you can experience spotting during ovulation) and let it go since I wasn’t experiencing any pain and thought it would pass in a day or so.  Well, a day turned into five and that Friday I was still spotting and experiencing very minimal cramping.  I thought then that I must have been starting my period a couple weeks early.  I’ve heard of this happening to women so I passed it off as such…not to mention I was too scared to get things looked at to check it out further.  I did, however make an appointment to see my doctor on Monday afternoon to address that, along with a few other issues I had. 

Monday afternoon came, and I went to my doctor’s appointment glad that I had made it because I had gotten ill over the weekend with an upper respiratory infection that I wanted to have him look at, on top of checking me for diabetes and looking at my thyroid testing (because I looked on the internet and it said that thyroid issues could also affect menstruation).  My appointment was 2:30 pm and I waited miserably for my name to be called…because the waiting room was packed, my nose was running and I didn’t want to blow it in front of people.  Yeah…I am a little weird about that.  So, I sat there waiting with a Kleenex in hand wiping the running nose until my name was called a little after 4:00 pm.  I finally went into the patient room and waited another 10 minutes for the doctor to come in.  This is where it all went bad.  See, I wasn’t concentrating on my bleeding or the cramps that had gotten worse at this point.  I have a tendency to think I am over-reacting to things and didn’t make a big deal about it.  Here’s how the appointment went.  I told him that I wanted to get tested for diabetes because it had been about two years since I had Jonathan and after I had him I was told to get my sugar checked yearly since I had Gestational Diabetes during the pregnancy.  I also told him that I wanted to get my thyroid checked.  I didn’t go into detail as to why and he didn’t ask.  Then, I told him I developed this terrible cold over the weekend that I also wanted him to look at for me.  He did, and said that they could draw blood for both the diabetes and thyroid test at his office and that the nurse would be in shortly to do so.  She came in and drew the blood.  Best blood draw I ever had, by the way.  After she left she said it would be about 5 minutes for the results of the diabetes test but that they had to send the blood work away for the thyroid and that it would take a few days.  She said the doctor would be in shortly to discuss the results of the diabetes test with me.  About 10 minutes later I couldn’t take it anymore and went to the bathroom in the waiting room.  While in there I noticed that the bleeding was worse.  When I went back to the room, the doctor was waiting on me.  He told me that I tested normal and did not have diabetes, and proceeded to tell me that they would call me once they got the results of the thyroid test if they were negative.  I then asked him what other symptoms there were to hypothyroidism other than being tired all the time and he named some off to me, not mentioning the bleeding between periods.  So, I asked him if bleeding between periods was a symptom.  He said it is a possibility since the thyroid controls so many functions, but the bleeding could be caused so by many things…the female body is a complicated machine and so forth.  So, I left it at that and so did he.  I didn’t go into my details and he didn’t ask.  I actually felt rather rushed since he was running so far behind and didn’t want to be a burden about something that could have been nothing.  So, he wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic to take for the cold and I left to go fill it.

That evening, I took my first pill about a half hour before eating dinner, and about a half hour later I had the worst stomach pains ever.  I went to the bathroom thinking maybe that was the problem, but as I tried it just hurt worse and worse.  I actually felt like I was going to pass out and lost my hearing for a few seconds.  I made it into the bedroom and curled up onto the bed crying, feeling like I was in labor and having contractions in my tummy as well as down lower.  Scott came in just as the pains were settling down a little bit.  We read the pharmacy slip that came with the prescription and it said it could cause stomach cramping, so we thought that must have been the problem.  Now, the thought did enter my mind that maybe I was miscarrying, but I didn’t want to believe that thought either…and it really could have been the antibiotic.  So, I didn’t take any more of that antibiotic and called the doctor’s office the next day to get them to call in a different one for me.  They did, and I started taking it the next evening (Tuesday).  The cramping wasn’t going away. It wasn’t the same cramping that I had the night before but it wasn’t going away completely yet.  I figured it must take awhile, or that my tummy must have been sore from all the cramping it went through the night before.  I didn’t go to work Tuesday, in part because of the cold but mostly because of the cramps.    Tuesday was also the worst day of the bleeding.  Wednesday morning came and I went to work, but decided to call my OBGYN to see if I could get in because the cramping and bleeding weren’t subsiding.  The earliest they could get me in was Friday, so I made the appointment for that day.  I called Mom and Scott and told them this and neither of them thought I should wait that long.  At this point, neither did I…I was getting pretty scared.  Plus, mom had talked to my cousin Sandy who is a nurse and she said that what I was describing to mom sounded like an ectopic pregnancy.  So, after much debate, I decided to leave work around Noon and let mom take me to the ER at Upper Valley Hospital.  Even as we were sitting for hours waiting in the ER, I was worried about all this being for nothing.  I was sure it would end up being something like a bad case of gas.  Scott was on his way from Columbus and mom was putting her day on hold for this, and I was afraid it would be such a waste of time.  About 15 minutes after I got into a room at the ER to get looked at, Scott arrived, while they were getting a urine sample from me.  They had already taken my blood.  We waited about 45 minutes for the doctor to come back in with the results of those tests.  When he arrived he told us that all the tests came back normal, except for the pregnancy test.  I was pregnant, and with my symptoms it was most likely ectopic.  So, they quickly got me in to get an ultrasound but didn’t see anything in the uterus, however that didn’t really mean anything because it could be too young to see in the uterus.  The real tell-tale was the quantitive hCG count that gave them an approximate age of the fetus, and going by my last menstrual cycle which would have probably make it about 3 1/2 weeks old.  I had to be admitted at this point, and was told I would have to be scoped out and either have surgery or be given a drug that is used to cancer patients that shrinks cells and would hopefully shrink the fetus enough so that it could pass naturally without surgery.  The OBGYN on site would need to determine this and would see me in the morning.

I got into my room around 9 pm that evening.  By that time mom had already left to pick up Jonathan from my sister so she could keep him overnight for us.  Scott left around 10:00 pm to go home and get some of my things for me, and got back around 11:15 pm.  I was so glad he got back then, because the OBGYN decided to stop by around 11:30 pm.  At this point he gave us an option to think about until he came back the following morning…and it was too overwhelming for me to take in by myself.  He gave us an option of going ahead with the scoping the following day where he would remove the fetus if he found it, or waiting until Friday to take another quantitive hCG count to see if the amount doubled.  If the quant doubled then they would re-do the ultrasound to see if they could see it, and see if it was in the uterus or not.  We were shocked!  At this point, we had been led to believe that it was definitely an ectopic pregnancy.  We weren’t thinking that there was a chance of it being in the uterus.  Here’s the kicker, if the fetus was in the uterus, there was a risk with going ahead with the scoping because of the anesthesia…there is a chance it could kill the fetus.  We asked what the chance is of it being in the uterus and he told us it was about 50%.  We then asked what the chances were of it dying as a result of the anesthesia if we went ahead with the scoping and surgery and he couldn’t give us that chance.  Thank goodness we had until the following morning to think it over.  Scott got on the internet, and I got on the phone to my mom to fill her in.  Scott found some figures on the anesthesia where about 1.7% of babies are affected by it, and we determined that something is definitely not right with this pregnancy anyhow since I was cramping and bleeding so bad that we decided to go ahead with the scoping.

The doctor came in around 11:30 AM Thursday morning and we told him of our decision and he said he would get me in between 2:30 and 3:00 that afternoon for the scoping/surgery.  Dad and Deb were called and they came down to see me go in.  When I went in the emotions were high…I was scared, but very comforted by the fact that my mom, dad, Deb, and Scott were all there to support me. 

I woke up in recovery at 5:15 pm and was taken back to my room, with everyone waiting on my return.  And, I was told I may be going home that evening.  Shortly after I was back in my room Chelsea came in with Jonathan.  He was such a site for me to see, and seemed a little confused as to why his mommy was laying in a hospital bed.  Time kept on ticking and the doctor hadn’t come to release me yet so Dad and Deb left, Chelsea left, and then mom left with Jonathan.  Scott and I continued to wait for the doctor, who finally came in to discharge me around 9:30 pm.  The ride home sucked…I was so nauseous from the anesthesia and pain medication.  Scott even stopped on the side of the highway at one point to look for something for me to get sick in.  I didn’t though…I made it home.  I got home and got onto my computer before heading to bed, and tried to eat some cereal to get rid of the queasy feeling I had.  Well, I got rid of it and Scott had to do some computer clean-up after putting me to bed.  That night and Friday morning were so very painful.  I never thought I could be in so much pain.  I was so thankful when Scott got back from the pharmacy Friday morning with my pain medications…it made a lot of difference. 

The rest of the day Friday I was still in quite a bit of pain, but it didn’t compare to what I had felt before.  I felt like I could at least move a little bit.  It’s hard to describe.  I had another doctor’s appointment Friday afternoon to see the doctor who did the surgery and he said he didn’t want me to go back to work until Dec. 1st.  Scott no more got me home from that then he had to go get Matthew for the weekend.  Mom brought Jonathan back home that evening and I felt so happy to have my baby back.  I knew he was in great care, but I missed him so much.  He was all I could think about while I was in the hospital. 

It wasn’t until today, Saturday, that it hit me…and it hit HARD!!!  I lost a baby!  Yes, it wasn’t meant to be and it couldn’t have worked but I wanted it to…I still do, and I don’t know how long it will take me to get over the terrible loss I feel right now.  I keep thinking that Jonathan could have had a little brother or sister, and find myself wondering if it was a boy or girl, and asking why.  Why didn’t it work?  I don’t know if it was the pain, or if my mind was stronger than my heart at first, but now my heart is stronger than my mind and missing something I never even really had, and only knew about for a little over 24 hours.   I know my hormones are all whacked out right now, but that doesn’t make me feel better, and it doesn’t keep me from feeling like I had failed.  My body had failed, to give this baby a full life…to allow it to make it’s safe journey to my uterus and survive.  Scott has been absolutely wonderful through all of this, but I know he feels it too.  I can see it in his eyes, and feel in an odd way that I had let him down too.  I know I couldn’t have done anything different…that it isn’t really my fault this baby is looking down at us from heaven right now instead of growing healthily in my wound but my heart tells me differently.  I have a wonderful family, including a sister that really helped me today.  She had miscarried a few years back, and now we can truly understand how one another feels.  The blessing is that we can be there better for each other now.  But, I just hope that baby knows, as he is looking down at us from heaven, just how much he is truly loved…even though we never met.

Love,
Angie